Sheryl Sandberg, of Facebook fame, wrote a recent best-selling
book called Lean In. An important message in this book is her
recommendation that people lean in to the challenges that face them, rather
than avoiding and running away from them. Throughout her career, she has
demonstrated that this approach has worked for her, in spades.
This idea of leaning in can be especially useful
for spouses and family members as they try to understand the nature of
long-term pain. When someone in pain his trying to explain how they feel, it is
important to pay attention, to lean in toward them, and to try to learn and
understand what they are trying to say. It is not easy, for the person trying
to explain how they feel, nor for the people trying to listen and understand.
It is necessary, however, to lean in. Even if you do not understand all of the
details, leaning in will show that you are at least trying, that you care.
Sometimes, the best way to lean in is to just stay
silent, listen and pay attention. Caregivers often feel that this is inadequate
and does not accomplish very much. It is also very hard to sit there feeling
helpless. You want to jump up and do something. Rather than jumping up and
leaving the scene, a better option is to calmly and compassionately ask if there's
anything that you can do to help.
In my 25 years of working every day with people in
pain, I have found that listening, learning and leaning in can be a very
powerful healing tool. It is more practical and useful than you think.
Go ahead. If it a try. Lean in and watch the magic
happen.
Yours with care - Michael.